You know, its cold cold days like this that make me glad my job forces me to wear pants to work. Because wearing long johns is a really, really unflattering look for me.

Since last night and till tommorrow morning there was supposed to be first rain, then snow. I barely got any rain yesterday, and I will have to deal with the snow tonight (got a call from my girlfriends mom telling me there was already six inches of snow on the ground and another inch per hour coming down, so she shouldn't come home), but today I myself I had to deal with freezing rain. Which was torrents of very small pieces of ice, flying at me, and because of the cold, not melthing but bouncing right off. Physical weather like this is fasincating to me.

Just before I ventured out into the freezing rain today, I ventured over to the other side of the office where they had ordered out for lunch. Someone had ordered take out from White Castle. Someone, had ordered 300 Sliders for their team. 300! Disgusting. I was offered some and decided, even though they were free, they were too disgusting. Later on, someone brought some over to me, and I caved. After all, it had been like 9 years since my last one, how bad could they be? Bad. On one, I swear the thin sliver of "meat" had actually been absorbed into the bun. Horrendous, I have no idea how the stay in business.

So, as I stand (sit) here on the last day of the three coldest days of this wack-ass winter, I ponder upon something that pisses me off all the time when I walk outside. Specifically, under-dressed people. Now this is not underdressed in the way hussies walking around the streets these days, having no shame, like there momma's didn't teach them nothing (not that I would notice, I only have eyes for jones4carrie  ). Not those jerks who insist on wearing shorts and flip flops 8 months of the year, only changing into proper clothes on Christmas and changing out when they can't take it anymore in March. No, my enmity is saved for those who under-dress the 4 to 6 months of real winter we get here in the place to be, up in the NYC.

Now clearly I am a wuss in the cold. People used to marvel at my abilities to stand the cold when I was a youngster, but what they were actually marveling at was my ability to act like I was withstanding the cold. Well, my cold withstanding abilities have gotten worse, I spent too long in the desert, (12 years I wandered in the desert, oy) so I am excellent in the sun. But still, the way people dress in the dead of winter is beyond me.

For the past two days, the regular temperature has been in the teens with a wind-chill factor of -10 C. Now, if you are living in Minnesota or in Soviet Russia, then this is lovely spring weather. Here though, it is the pits. Just yesterday it was so windy on my way to work, I actually had to do one of those leaning forward into the wind things; I was actually stopped in my tracks for a second, I felt I was going to do one of those T-1000 frozen in liquid helium, my feet so frozen to the ground that I leave my feet behind. This didn’t happen, (thank goodness!) but only just, the wind was slicing through me. But I was wearing long johns, my winter coat, my puffy skiing gloves, my thick winter hat, and my awesome unattached hood  covering my face. The only part of me that was visible were my shifty squinty eyes. My shifty squinty eyes that would occasionally roll in disbelief as I saw guys only wearing a thin cotton hoody, people with nothing on their heads, this one guy only wearing a leather jacket that was completely unzipped, people with no gloves, or guys only wearing a baseball cap. I don’t get it, and I think they just don’t feel it. What it probably is is that they are in that late stage of hypothermia where you actually start feeling warm.

I presume a lot of people don't put hats on their head because they don't want to mess up their gel or the gals with their perfectly coifed hair, even despite the fact that according to The Loser, you lose 60% of your body heat through your head. 60! That is a lot of percent.

A subset of these under-dressed peoples are people from NJ and Long Island going to clubs. Now, commuting for anywhere from half to a full hour is a chore. And the subway, taxi, trains and busses are all warm enough. But you know where isn't? Walking to the bus, subway, train. Waiting for the bus, subway, train, taxi. Waiting in line at the club/bar. Standing outside of the club/bar to talk on the cell or have a smoke. All of this time, out in the freezing cold, wearing summer clothes. These bridge and tunnel people are willing to pay 25 dollars to get into these places to pay 8 dollars for a domestic light beer, but not the 5 dollars for the coat check. It is beyond me.

- Seeing as how tonight is supposed to be the coldest night in the past ten years around here (I believe the experience will be that you can spit and the spit will first freeze and then shatter from the cold before it hits the ground), I thought I should post some cold thoughts.

- In Siberia, if you fall through the ice on a frozen lake, there are two ways to die. You can stay in the water and die in ten minutes, or jump out of the water and die instantly.

- My scruff, also known as my five day shadow, though rakishly fashionable, actually provides no warmth for my face.

- My tears that stream down my face when it wind is blowing down the long avenues that act like funnels, practically freezing my contacts, are not because of the cold, the tears are just because I am so damn sensitive.

- Oddly enough, two of my most memorable cold experiences took place in desert countries. The first being the coldest I ever remember being up to that time, in Abu Dhabi. I woke up late, so was shuffled out of the house without a chance to wake up, before the sun was up, in only a too thin jean jacket and missed breakfast. Instead of breakfast, I ate my lunch, which was still frozen, a frozen peanut butter and nutela sandwich, and a frozen chocolate milk. When I got to school, I sat outside, on a really cold metal bench, to sell yearbooks. It doesn't sound so bad, but I was cold outside and inside and I couldn't stop shivering. The second was just this past December when I went to Egypt. There is no insulation in the buildings, so wherever I was, the cold was leeched out of me and my again too thinly dressed self. I had a corduroy jacket and thin ass cap to keep me from the constant wind, complete lack of sun, and long nights. I have never been so constantly and consistently cold as I was for that week.

So dress warmly out there! And in Eygpt for one week that is winter!

This cold snap with temps at 19 degrees and with the wind chill it will be down to 9 degrees tonight makes me yearn for the warmer days of yor... And by yor, I mean two weeks ago, when it was 70 degrees in January. *Shakes fist in fury at global warming*

When the weather turns 50 degrees Fahrenheit, it is proper to take off your long johns. When the weather turns 60, then you can change to a light jacket. Only when the weather turns 70 are you allowed to wear a shirt by itself. Also, keep in mind that it can still be cold at night and the stupid buses always have too cold AC's on. Also, please keep in mind that when you figure out all of this information on one weekend trip to New Jersey, you should remember it the next week when you take almost the exact same trip, with the exact same weather, and wear very similar clothes and end up being very stylish, but very, very cold for long periods of time, you blithering idiot. Thanks.

Yours truly,
Adam Cornelius Vanderbilt Hussein

Getting to work on a blizzard day. Mmmmm, I want a DQ Oreo Blast Blizzard now. Yes, well if the snow stopped in the night, then it’s really just very dirty. If it is during the week, then you are following in the steps of a million people who had to get up earlier than me. However, this is a special occasion, and it is a Sunday, when most people don’t work, or feel less guilty about calling out from work. Also, the snow is, to a large extent, virgin and untrampled (just like my vagina). So I put on my coat, my other coat, my new snow hat/hood thing, my ski gloves, my ski pants, my boots, and my ski goggles, and pushed my way up my hill to the subway.

Two hours later...

Phew, so it is surprisingly busy. But it really shouldn’t surprise me any longer. This is the second large crisis I have been in the store for, and I have learned who comes to the store in times like these. This is similar to the transit strike, in that we won’t get many people coming in from any other states, or even the outer boroughs, but so much of our business comes from Manhattan itself and foreigners staying in Manhattan, that the store always has some traffic. However, the word traffic is very apt today. I noticed this when the store first opened, with the large number of people walking through the store, but walking very fast. It seems that very few people were actually shopping; just everybody wanted someplace nice to get out of the snow and walk around. So we have loads of people just window shopping, but from the inside.

( Hurray for white powedery substances! )

Oh right, so a while back (Oct 23rd), it was the 60th anniversary of the signing of the UN charter.  As my mom works there (not back
then of course), she knew that they were lighting up the building, with a big "UN 60" light thing.  She remebered back when they did the 50th anniversary, they made post cards and such, so she thought we should see it from the Queens side of the river.  She mentioned post cards enough, that I thought it would make a swell picture.  And well it might have, except for the weather.  This was during that solid week of rain we had, and it was cold, and really windy, and really, really rainy.  So, it was night, freezing and wet, and I was on the side of the river, trying to use my expensive digital camera in the wet and dark to take a picture of something pretty far away.  Considering I did it all with one hand, I think the results are pretty good.

( Blurry! )