Be fitter than all of my family and friends.

This is important.  You can’t really be fitter than everybody, or than people who are really really into it.  However, you can strive to be fitter than people who you are constantly around.  Also, when you are able to lift heavier stuff than them, open harder to open jars than them, and run away from them, this can make you feel superior on a day to day basis.

My chest should stick out farther than my stomach.

This is not to be accomplished by man-boobs.

My underarm should not wobble.

This really is only an issue when I am pumping my fist in the air at concerts.  But I go to a lot of concerts.

Being able to sprint for the subway/bus without feeling the need to vomit at the end.

I live my life on the edge, by which I mean I am constantly late for everything.  So I run to the bus/subway a lot.  In order for me to be able to be late for my next appointment, I need to live through the sprint to this one.

Not have tan lines caused by my own body.

Make sure I keep those lines that that go right over your hips and point at your groin

Those make you look cut.

The only size issue with my clothes should be that they are too big. 

Not, you know, the other way around.